In life the beliefs and attitudes we have about ourselves and what we experience really do dictate how we handle the ups and downs of life.
We are on a daily basis having internal conversations with ourselves whether were conscious of them or not, and it’s these conversations that reflect how we feel about our bodies, mind and everything in between.
What drives us is not logic or reality – but how we think and feel about things. One common thing we must all deal with is rejection. That can be rejection in terms of career, a relationship, a competition, sports and many other areas. Rejection feels like such a big deal and it’s unavoidable in life – so learning to handle rejection is an essential skill to develop. Some people once they can master how to handle rejection actually get over it instantly and quickly move on such as actors and musicians. They don’t take it personally. It’s all part of the process.
There are ways to literally ‘flip’ how you feel and handle rejection better. Reframing helps us see situations in a different light – and gives us a boost so that we can let go of what our inner critic or gremlins might have to say.
So, here are seven reframes to handle rejection and pick yourself up again.
After a rejection stop and ask yourself, ‘What has actually changed?’
Because when we get rejected nothing actually changes except for how we perceive it: Before we ask someone out we have no date and after we’ve been ‘rejected’ we still have no date! Nothing has changed – except that our brains make a big deal about it.
1. Where’d it go? Try and touch it. The rejection I mean. OK, this one is a bit weird, but stay with me. Where is it, this ‘rejection’? Is it in front of you, behind you? It’s not tangible and so Rejection only exists in our minds. (I realise the philosophical among you will have plenty to say on this)
2. Just say, “Next!” The wildly successful book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” was rejected by 144 publishers before finally being accepted. Walt Disney apparently lost his job at a newspaper because his editor accused him of “having no good ideas.” Imagine if they had stopped after one rejection? People are exactly the same after 1 or 100 Rejections!
3. Remember that Rejection is simply the asking price for living a richer life! You’re here reading this – so I know you want more from life! But while you may feel disappointed after a rejection, there is something much worse than receiving a Rejection – not to have tried.
4. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I wasn’t attached to the outcome?” We feel rejected when it’s something we really want, but we don’t feel rejection when it’s something we don’t want. In fact if we don’t want it we may even feel relief or pleasure! Rejection is just a story we tell ourselves!
5. You feel rejected. So what? Just because you feel rejected does not mean you’re ‘a reject’. I.e. just because we feel it does not make it true! This is a fabulous reframe. Rejection is not truth, it’s just a feeling – and like so many feelings it will pass.
6. I am worth ! We simply need to like, respect and esteem ourselves more. Wouldn’t you rather be rejected than have a job/person/friend who doesn’t appreciate you? I know I’d rather hang around with people who think I’m great, otherwise I’ll just spend all my time doubting myself – and where’s the fun in that? Rejection is just a sign that we need to keep looking!
So remember: It’s not the rejection itself that hurts, what hurts is what we believe about it – and the stories we tell ourselves. Don’t get too caught up in your own story or let your gremlins get the better of you, you can handle rejection!
Glen Johnson is a lifecoach and can be contacted on 083 1470147 of firstname.lastname@example.org